Why you keep doing the same ole sh*t

If you feel stuck - there is a part of you that benefits from feeling stuck. When you don't do the things you know you need to do to be well and happy and at peace, it's not because you lack self-discipline. It's because you get something out of staying stuck. You don't have to risk failure to follow through, or making yet another mistake, or being rejected. It's like having an abusive boyfriend, whom you know you should dump, but you prefer bad company to being alone. Because it may be crappy but at least it's familiar. And this story you have built in your head and that is going on and on in a continual loop, serves you. It gives you identity, something to focus on, something that keeps you from getting too close to others.

Once you recognize this, you start to see that you have choices. You can choose to pay attention. To the thoughts. The patterns. You can start to be curious. You ask, how is this "sabotaging" behavior actually serving me? What am I getting from it? You can thank the part of you that is doing this, making these choices, as in reality this part is truly trying to protect you. Maybe getting fit will bring attention to you that a part of you is afraid of; maybe looking for a new job or taking on a new project stresses out the part of you that wants to protect you from rejection or being found out as a "fraud." Maybe giving up the lousy lover or friend makes the part of you that is scared of loneliness want to crawl into a cave. Trust me - as counterproductive as they may seem, these parts really are just trying to protect you. Somewhere along the line, these parts developed tools to cope with things that felt beyond your control. And they worked - because you are here, reading this.

It might be time to update the system. A little "how's it working for you?" moment of honest self-reflection- and then, when you're ready, you start the system update. Slowly. Tiny steps, because you don't want to crash the system. Start by paying attention. Being curious. Breathing, especially deep exhales. Keep going. We live in a rushed world of instant gratification, but this is something that takes time, effort, small, consistent steps. It took years to get to where you are today, and when you look ahead - the time will pass anyway, so you may as well keep taking those small, curious, compassionate steps, one day at a time.