Don't Be a Shipwreck!

​In church on Sunday, it was absolutely clear to me, especially since I quit drinking and I feel the way someone must feel when they’ve been completely oblivious to the fact that their eyes after age 40 aren’t quite 20/20 and they put on a pair of cheap reading glasses and suddenly the entire world is in focus – anyway it was totally clear to me that Pastor Vicky had written the sermon just for me.  Clearly she reads my blog.  And that’s why she was telling me exactly what I had been learning in my sobriety journey.  
 
The sermon was about drifting.  Vicky mentioned C.S. Lewis:

​Now Faith, in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes.... Consequently one must train the habit of Faith.
    The first step is to recognise the fact that your moods change. The next is to make sure that, if you have once accepted Christianity, then some of its main doctrines shall be deliberately held before your mind for some time every day. That is why daily prayers and religious readings and churchgoing are necessary parts of the Christian life. We have to be continually reminded of what we believe. Neither this belief nor any other will automatically remain alive in the mind. It must be fed. And as a matter of fact, if you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by honest argument? Do not most people simply drift away?
- C.S. Lewis

It’s not yet February and yet I’ll bet that most people have already drifted away from their adamant declarations to make 2016 the year they exercise every day, give up sugar, drink less, meditate more, declutter, spend less, swear less, “yes” less, etc.  It’s not that we get up one day and declare, “today is the day that I am going to prove right all the naysayers in my head!”  It just happens.  You know, that slippery slope.  Some of us suffer from alcoholism, workaholism, Facebookism… we are ALL, however, driftaholics.
 
We need anchors to hold us steady.  Some days are outright storms, but most days are just a little bit of a current.  If we aren’t anchored, we suddenly look up to see that we have imperceptibly drifted to a spot way down the beach from our towel.  The sneakiness of those currents makes them much more dangerous than the occasional hurricane, because they are always there, unlike hurricane season. We coast along, believing we are in control because we are staying afloat.  Until, suddenly, we realize we are really far away and not sure if we have the strength to swim back.  How did I get to this point, we ask ourselves with frustration, disgust, resignation.
 
I am a huge fan of prevention, and nipping things in the bud.  So I am going to suggest you set yourself up for success by building, and holding onto, some key anchors.  These are some of the ones I recommend, but please pick whatever you think will work best for you.

1. Do it every day.  Whether it’s exercise, eating more veggies and less processed food, avoiding alcohol and/or drugs, going to bed early, avoiding political posts on Facebook, reading and listening to inspiring media, praying, meditating, connecting with a loved one – do it every day.  It’s far too easy to start the drift when you start coming up with excuses.  It’s also far too easy to become complacent.  An alcoholic goes to meetings every day, even after years of sobriety, because she understands how easy it is to drift and to begin to believe, “I’ve got this.” 
2. Stay present.  Whether your trespasses happened this morning, last month, or 20 years ago, focus on this very moment.  We learn from our mistakes, and they are inevitable and valuable, but they do not predict our future unless we dwell on them in the present.  Who you are right now, in this very moment, is completely original.  You have never existed the way you do right now, as you are reading this.  Take the lessons and start to write the script of your life, starting now.
3. Pick the right community, and stay connected with it – every day.  There is something incredibly fulfilling and validating about connecting with others in a way that we feel heard and understood, as can be found in support groups, 12 step meetings, true friends, a family member. Get an accountability partner, someone who motivates you, you admire, you don't want to let down. Sometimes when doing our social inventory, we realize we need to let go of people and situations that no longer support our values or the way we want to live and grow.  This is certainly challenging and while sometimes the shift is organic and just happens naturally as we move toward the positive and healthy, sometimes there is drama and hurt feelings.  Do your best to be kind and compassionate.  Rather than saying, “You’re a total downer and boring and I have to drink at least one bottle of wine just to survive an evening with you,” a better approach is to explain, “I have a lot of work to do on myself and to better connect with my spouse and kids, so I’m going to have to take a break from our weekly happy hour.”  Most likely, someone else will fill your spot.  

Therefore, we must the more eagerly anchor our lives to the things that we have been taught lest the ship drift past the harbor and be wrecked.

• - William Barclay

​This quote was read during church and I have been thinking about it all week.  Choose your anchors.  Tie yourself sturdily to them.  At the first sign of drifting, immediately reel yourself back in.  It is easier to row or swim back a few yards than to salvage a shipwreck.