You Will Eat Sh*t Sandwich

I scooped - or rather, scraped - up yet another offering of poop by my now 4-month-old puppy, and quickly transitioned into a pillar of core strength as I held onto the leash, taught with a puppy lunging away from me attempting to chase a butterfly, while with the other hand deftly tied the poop bag into a knot. Phew! I did it. And I thought, this whole puppernity leave gig is a LOT of work. No more sleeping in (OK, I don't do that anyway), planning my daily schedule keeping the puppy’s needs in mind (thank you dear Lord for the crate!), visits to the vet, taking him and the older dog for walks (no more than 5 minutes per month of puppy’s life, per day, I just learned), taking him to obedience training… It really is like having a newborn baby in many respects.

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@BrunoBearInsta

This blogpost started with me picking up poop, and poop is actually the main theme. Not literally (phew!), but more of a useful metaphor for life. Lately I have found myself sort of obsessed with the concept of a sh*t sandwich. My kids think it’s disgusting, but I admit that I have found myself saying “sh*t sandwich” (without the polite asterisk) pretty frequently while engaging in what I call Parenting. Here is an example:

Puppy makes a sound, I say, “he needs to go out and pee, please take him out,” child continues whatever activity they were doing, puppy pees on kitchen floor, I remind kid that puppy’s peeing inside was human error, and now child must take puppy out and clean up puddle. Kid grumbles. And I say, “this is the sh*t sandwich of getting a puppy.”

It is graduation season, and my firstborn is about to graduate from high school next week (eeeeek!), and I have been privy to several conversations with young adults about career options and college majors. We talk about what they enjoy, what they feel they are good at, what appeals to them. But especially now that so much of my day revolves around poop (of the canine type), I also talk about their version of the sh*t sandwich. What are they willing to tolerate? A couple of them mention law school. So perhaps their sh*t sandwich includes endless reading, memorization of facts, engaging in conflict, tons of stress, long hours, conservative outfits, being in a competitive environment. If all of this seems part of the appeal, then they are probably headed down the right path. If it’s their version of a sh*t sandwich but they can stomach it because they truly feel a calling to pursue law (and it’s not just because their parents expect it), then at least they are less likely to be blindsided by the poopy stuff.

I think it’s especially important to talk about the sh*t sandwich in this day and age when kids are led to believe by their parents, educators, influencers and US News & World Report that there is really only one narrow path to success and anything less is mediocre at best. Anxiety and suicide are at epidemic rates among our young, and while mental health is a complicated topic, I have to ask myself, how many young adults are falling apart because they started off all excited about their course of study, or career or job, and were never warned about the sh*t sandwich? Everyone knows that law school is hard, medical residents have an insane schedule, and professional actors have to wait tables for years on end. But how about the fact that most jobs are mostly a lot of work, mostly not that fun? If I were to write a top 5 list of Sh*t Sandwiches it may look something like this (in no particular order):

1. Puppies are really cute so you don’t abandon them (well, unless you live in Tennessee, based on rescue statistics). They are a ton of work, cost a lot of money, interfere with conversations, sleep, and days out of the house. Get through it by… focusing on the payoff of having the best friend you will ever have, and laughing at their quirky way of pouncing around.
   
2. Your dream job includes a boss that has authority over you, a paycheck you need to actually earn, commitment to showing up in spite of fun invitations from your friends to go hang out, and a lot of really tedious, annoying tasks you are too smart for. Get through it by… trusting that it will all be worth it when you rise through the ranks, or make a move to another company that will appreciate your experience; or by remembering, you can always leave.
   
3. Staying home with your kids is more often than not boring, frustrating, monotonous, chaotic, messy, loud, overwhelming, lonely, mind-dulling, exhausting. Get through it by… knowing that what you are doing is the absolute most important job in the world; you are your kids’ most important influencer as you guide them into being future adults who feel loved and accepted (which is really the most important part of your job).
   
4. Being healthy is a mind, body and spirit endeavor and involves a ton of willingness, commitment, long-term thinking, discernment (tune out all the latest fads!), desire to learn more from your body and trust in it. All of this can mean a lot of work, big picture thinking, being counter-cultural, and doing what is right, not what is easy. If you signed up for a big event (5k, marathon, triathlon, etc) - your motivation may waver. This is normal! This is why most people never even make it to the start line of anything. Get through it by… knowing you are doing your best today, to prevent cancer, diabetes, cognitive decline, depression. And if you are still young, you are doing all of this for your kids, even if childbearing is way in your future. So worth it!
   
5. Being married is wonderful, but like with anything meaningful, it has its valleys (sh*t sandwich times, days, seasons). Two self-absorbed people who have had unique experiences in life before meeting, now get to merge into one partnership - what could possibly be tough about that, especially once the initial infatuation has fizzled? Get through the tough parts by… trusting that if you keep your side of the street clean, by doing the next right thing, over and over, one day at a time, this too shall pass and all will be well. (Of course, not always true, especially when the partnership was a misguided choice - but I do believe that more people would find joy in marriage if they accepted that sh*t sandwich comes with anything that is wonderful and meaningful, including marriage).
   

I love taking photos and post them on Facebook and Instagram, and people often comment on how good they are. But what they may not know is that for every great photo, there were ten lousy ones. I think of life the same way. For every great entry in the Fakebook or Instagram highlight reel, there were many moments, interactions, and disappointments that were undocumented. The sh*t sandwich. And that’s okay - but let’s be real and acknowledge that we are all going to experience self-doubt, disappointment in others, wondering if we made the wrong choice, being tempted to give up. That is the sh*t sandwich. Put it in the poop bag, tie the knot so you can’t smell it, and toss it in the trash. And then do the next right thing.

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